Last night, while everyone was hypnotized by the Oscars, my family was obsessed with something else.

Vince, and his Slap Chop.

My kids have been quoting from this commercial for a while now, and the younger boy finally caught it and remembered to hit the “record” button on the DVR so we could all have a laugh attack later.

I have to mention, before ruthlessly making fun of this commercial, that this product actually looks very cool, and after watching the commercial only once (before the next hundred times, that is), I really wanted one.

Vince is a dynamic host/actor/whatever you call him. You might recognize him from the ShamWow commercials. He’s got a bit of Tony Little in him, which, when you’re trying to sell something, doesn’t hurt.

What is roll-on-the-floor-funny about this commercial is the combination of his excitement and the writing, which was clearly done by fourteen-year-old boys, probably because of cutbacks during this rough economy.

Some standout lines?

* “You’re gonna be slappin’ your troubles away with the Slap Chop.”
* “Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life.”
* “You don’t have time to make breakfast, you’re gonna have an exciting life now.”
* (throwing the competitor’s product over his shoulder:) “It’s worthless. Fuggeddaboutit.”
* (while chopping an onion:) “Life’s hard as it is. You don’t wanna cry anymore.”
* “Tacos…fettucine…linguini…martini…bikini”

And our most favorite? At :37, it’s:

* “You’re gonna love my nuts.” In fact, the fourteen-year-old in my house rewound and replayed this segment so many times that I thought the DVR would strain under the pressure to perform. If he could have gotten the DVR to work like a DJ, I feel certain that the evening would have been spent listening to

“You you you you yourrrrrrre gonna love my n-n-n-n-n-n-n-utz.”

Good times.