…but not tonight.

See this picture?

That’s a Shamrock Shake from McDonalds.

Was that photo taken this evening?

NO.

It was taken a couple of weeks ago, when we treated ourselves to the newly available (for this year) Shamrock Shakes. I love those things.

No, you don’t understand. I LOVE THEM. Not like some women love their fences, mind you, but I definitely have a weakness for Shamrock Shakes. I like them so much that, where most normal people will nurse a shake for oh, I don’t know, thirty or more minutes?–I risk serious stomach issues because of my borderline lactose intolerance, sucking that shake down in record time. Like, less than ten minutes. (and that’s being conservative)

Every time I do that, I’m practically in the fetal position on the floor in a corner somewhere minutes later, moaning and holding my stomach, making promises to God that I’ll never drink one that fast again if the pain could just go away. My kids think that’s hilarious. Ha ha, very funny. Now give me the rest of your shake.

Today, amongst all the talk of green beer and limericks (as you probably know, the two things that make a boring party absolutely crazy), I had no interest. All I wanted was to finish my long day, get home, enjoy dinner with my family, and run out to McDonalds to get everybody a St. Patty’s Day Shamrock Shake.

I should have remembered last year. And the year before.

I am the Charlie Brown to McDonalds’ Lucy, you see.

Each and every frickin’ year, McDonalds runs out of Shamrock Shakes before March 17. WTF??? Are you kidding me??? What kind of business sense is that?

NONE. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s NO kind of business sense.

If there is a savvy McDonalds executive reading this because of Google Alerts, I’m talking to YOU. Really, ORDER MORE SHAMROCK SHAKE MIX. Use last year’s sales numbers and get more. If McDonalds has to sell them until March 24 to get rid of it all, who cares??? I for one would indeed have a Shamrock Shake after March 17, just like I would indeed wear white after Labor Day. Come on, McD’s, get with the program!!!

Tonight, I went to two McDonalds and came up empty. I walked in the door to three guys who were totally psyched about mint, and I handed them chocolate and strawberry.

I got vanilla for myself. I was mad. Not surprisingly, the stomach ache was the same.