It’s always a little fascinating–and sometimes disturbing–to open up Google Analytics and have an in-depth look at how people are finding my blog. I’ve had some pretty crazy search terms leading people here, and I thought you might enjoy it if I shared. The most popular “normal” searches that lead to my blog have to do with “how to pronounce tiara”, various questions relating to Boy Scouts, and now, information about buying a car. The others? Well, just read. Here are some stand-outs:

“he flicked my nose”–Really? I’m sorry about that. But was it that bad that you had to look for advice about it on the web?

“my braces my kid my husband site”–I guess this is a pretty specific way to try and find a Blogger blog. Do your kid AND your husband have braces? Or, perhaps your kid needs braces and you’re trying to find a way to tell your husband about it? Whatever it is, good luck, and save money, because braces are expensive!

“to resist facebook”–Oh no, grasshopper. There is no resisting Facebook. Once you’re in, it will not be denied. Heed this warning!

“anesthesia fetish blog”–Eew. That’s got to be an expensive fetish. Why not find something less expensive and easier to find, like internet porn or something?

“company party belly dancer harrassment”–Well, if you were at my Dad’s surprise party at work back in 1979-80, I think we’re past the statute of limitations for that one. Otherwise, call your HR office.

“do you need a driver’s license to get into a rated r movie”–Only if you don’t look 17, youngun. But if you sneak in without a parent or guardian and you’re underage, your parents will eventually find out, as they do all things.

“fetish lederhosen”–I hope you live in Germany, or at least Europe. An American with this fetish is definitely on the wrong continent.

“how to jew a car salesman down”–Are you KIDDING ME? Is that term still used in the 21st century? There are about fifty other ways to say this without perpetuating bad stereotypes. Color me offended. And wash out your mouth.

“I had gum graft surgery and the band aid came out”–Band Aid? ICKY! Surely you just couldn’t remember the word for STITCHES, right? If your periodontist did surgery and put a Band Aid on the graft site, I’d submit that he/she is either not a real perio OR he/she doesn’t have access to this century’s (or last century’s, for that matter) technology.

“remedies for stopping neighborhood dogs from pooping on my lawn”–Hey, stupid neighbor: is that you?

“what are some bad words”–You’ve clearly got the wrong blog. May I suggest you go to…oh, never mind. You’ll find it.