Knife Skills Are Only Helpful When You Use Them

Where was I? Oh yes, sitting here with a wrapped up finger after my kitchen accident yesterday. Here’s what happened.

Not quite six weeks after attending a knife skills class during which we learned to “curl your fingers under when holding whatever you’re cutting, to protect your fingertips from the knife”, I was dicing apples for my very delicious and popular apple bread recipe with the Chef’s Knife I received at that very class (the VERY SHARP Chef’s Knife*) when it happened.

*insert elevator music here, instead of the gory details*

I didn’t panic; I grabbed a paper towel and started applying pressure immediately, keeping my finger above my head. I walked to the basement and asked my sister to come upstairs when she was finished with the phone call she was on, and then went to find J so I could ask him to finish the apple bread, using a different (older, duller) knife and cutting board so none of my DNA would find its way into the finished product.

A few minutes later I was on my couch, still applying the pressure, when Julesie came up. “WHAT HAPPENED??” she asked, and then told me that next time I should just tell her to get off the phone. I said, “I didn’t really classify this as an emergency.”

She asked me if I wanted to go to Urgent Care and I said no. I just wanted to see if I could get the bleeding to stop first. At some point in our conversation I said, “It’s okay, it’s just my finger”, which led to this and then, more hysterically, this.

Before we left the house, though, she called one of her best friends–who happens to be a doctor–to get her recommendation for whether I should stay home or go to Urgent Care. When she got off the phone, she shared what she learned so I could make my own decision.

And that’s the problem. I have a very hard time making decisions when they affect something about me. I have absolutely no problem recommending what YOU should do (Sometimes without your even asking me! GREAT, I KNOW!), but when it comes to me–whether it’s where I want to go to dinner or if I should go to Urgent Care after I slice my finger–I can feel the gears of my brain grinding to a halt.

In the end, I couldn’t get the bleeding to stop so away we went. At some point Julesie tweeted this, which I love:

I mean really, if you have to go to Urgent Care, I highly recommend that you ask my sister to take you there because there is nobody more calming OR entertaining. (Depending on where you live, of course. If you don’t live in our neighborhood you might want to ask someone else if time is of the essence. Just sayin’.)

So I’m at Urgent Care in Trauma Room 4 with a nurse named Sue. I didn’t “get” her at first but after we chatted for a few minutes I discovered that Sue is one of those sassy nurses with a heart of gold. While she was talking to me in that sarcastic, witty, and funny way I came to know in our hour together, I actually planned her self-titled sitcom in my head (“Sue.” Just Sue.) and decided that the part of Sue should be played by either Debra Winger right after “Terms of Endearment” was big…or Charlotte Rae (“The Facts of Life’s” Mrs. Garrett).

Anyhoo, the news on my fingertip (or lack thereof) from the doctor was good: I didn’t cut anywhere near a tendon and I didn’t need stitches. Sue wrapped my finger up and we laughed together about how my “flip off finger” was much more noticeable now.

Laugh track, and…scene.

My Dad called last night to find out what happened because my mom read yesterday’s post. As usual he found funny things to say and we were both cracking up when my mom leaned in towards the phone and yelled, “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO CURL YOUR FINGERS UNDER SO YOU PROTECT YOUR FINGERTIPS!”

Thanks, Mom. I FORGOT.

And then a couple of minutes later, when I must have been talking really loudly as I told my Dad that next time I’d be much more careful, Mom yelled, “CURL YOUR FINGERS UNDER!!!”

Noted, Mom.

I spent the evening trying not to think about the throbbing and then laughing my head off when Momo used my injury as inspiration for a post of her own, and then I took some Tylenol and went to bed, not sleeping well because this wrapped finger is awkward and ohmygoshthethrobbing.

So here I am today, all wrapped up and happy that it was just a flesh wound (ha!) and nothing serious. I even went to class at TDM this morning. I’m trying not to be annoyed that typing anything takes me twice as long as usual: this too shall pass. I will be making a full recovery very soon.

Finally, what have we learned today, kids?

CURL YOUR FINGERS UNDER WHEN YOU’RE CUTTING SOMETHING. AND PAY ATTENTION.

That’s your PSA for today. You’re welcome. Be safe out there.

Tomorrow? The apple bread recipe.

*I should reiterate that the accident was completely user error. I still love that knife; I just need to be more careful next time!