My in-laws are fans of clock chimes. I know this because they have a grandfather clock and two other clocks that are set up to go off in succession and not at the same time on the hour (or the half hour, or the quarter hour). The clock in the kitchen chimes in song, and there are multiple choices including Bread’s “If” (I’m certain about this one) and Roberta Flack’s “Killing Me Softly” (I’m not certain about this one but I thought of it at the top of most hours when I was around to hear the extended version of “ding dong*”).

I had a lot of time on my hands during my last visit and was inspired to come up with this list:

Song Chimes Rejected by the Rhythm Clocks Company

1. Crying (Roy Orbison)
2. Stan (Eminem)
3. You Oughta Know (Alanis Morissette)
4. F—k tha Police (NWA)
5. The Walking Dead theme song (Bear McCreary)
6. Billy Don’t Be a Hero (Paper Lace)
7. Cat Scratch Fever (Ted Nugent)
8. Luka (Suzanne Vega)
9. Disco Duck (Rick Dees)
10. Good Bye Earl (Dixie Chicks)
11. Sexy MF (Prince)
12. Rehab (Amy Winehouse)

*I’m not a crabby, ninety-five-year-old woman in a nearly-forty-eight-year-old’s body, I promise. Also, this list amuses me on a level that borders Ridiculous. Yes, I amuse myself: I said it. Hush.